Let's Talk About Those "Passive" Business Dreams

Hey there! Before we dive into today's chat, I wanted to share some exciting updates from our team:

What's New at Pioneer Capital Advisory

• We just welcomed Andrea Parada as our new Head of Closing! She's going to be your go-to person from the moment we start working on your deal all the way through to getting those keys in your hands. Her job is basically to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible.
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• If you're heading to the Southeastern ETA conference in Charlottesville, Virginia on September 5–6, definitely say hi to Alan Pacheco from our team. He'd love to meet you!

Some Wins We're Celebrating Last week was pretty amazing for us. We helped two of our clients close their SBA deals on the exact same day! One was a $1.8 million deal for a landscaping company that does everything from design to keeping your garden looking gorgeous. The other was a $1.4 million financing for a marketing and print business that's been killing it lately and even won some industry awards. It's moments like these that remind us why we love what we do.

Now, let's get into what I really want to talk about today.

The Social Media Fantasy vs. Reality

You've probably seen those posts on social media – you know the ones. Some influencer is peddling a thread about how you can buy a car wash or laundromat and basically "print money while you sleep." Recent posts like the one Eric Pacifici (SMB Attorney) called out below have been making the rounds, listing all these supposedly hands-off businesses: Self-serve car washes, vending machines, storage units, senior housing, pet services, even payment processing.

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SMB Attorney @SMB_Attorney Please make it stop. https://twitter.com/gedamtekle/status/1962496264227996068 Gedam Tekle @gedamtekle The richest people in America don’t chase trends. They own the boring businesses no one talks about. Here are 10 businesses that print money on demand: 10:46 AM • Sep 1, 2025 34 Retweets 2953 Likes Read 94 replies

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These posts aren't just misleading – they're downright predatory. These social media "gurus" are professional snake oil salesmen in designer hoodies, cherry-picking survival rates and profit margins to paint a complete fantasy where you can just buy a business and collect checks while lounging on a beach. They're selling you a dream that doesn't exist, and they absolutely know it.

What makes this even more infuriating is that many of these same influencers will turn around and tell you that "seller financing is the only way to buy a business" and that banks are somehow outdated or unnecessary. (Spoiler alert: if a business can't qualify for bank financing, you should probably ask yourself some hard questions about why a professional underwriter won't touch it with a ten-foot pole.)

Here's what really gets me: these influencers are either breathtakingly incompetent about what running a business actually involves, or worse – they know exactly how much work these businesses require and are deliberately lying to drive engagement, sell their overpriced courses, or funnel people into their investment schemes. They've figured out that selling false hope generates more clicks and cash than telling the truth about the blood, sweat, and tears that real entrepreneurship requires.

The most disgusting part? They target people who are genuinely trying to improve their financial situations – folks who are tired of the corporate grind or looking for real wealth-building opportunities. Instead of providing honest guidance, these parasites prey on hope and ambition to build their personal brands and bank accounts.

The truth is simple – that's just not how business works in the real world.

Every single business, no matter how "automated" it seems, needs someone paying attention. You've got maintenance, regulations to follow, marketing to do, customers to keep happy. When people believe the "set it and forget it" story, they often end up paying way too much for these businesses or completely underestimating how much time and money they'll actually need to invest.

So let's take a closer look at some of these supposedly passive goldmines and talk about what's really involved.

What These "Passive" Businesses Actually Require

Car Washes and Laundromats

​This thread makes self-serve car washes sound like magical money machines with "minimal staff." But here's what actually happens: even the most automated car wash needs someone to clean it weekly, refill all those chemicals, empty the cash boxes, and fix things when they break – and trust me, they break a lot. Skip these basics and your customers will disappear faster than you can say "out of order."

And if you want to truly step away? You'll need to hire a manager, which obviously eats into those dreamy profit margins.

Laundromats have the same reality check waiting for you. Machines break down (constantly), pipes leak, utility bills fluctuate, and neighborhoods change. Without someone who actually cares keeping an eye on things, the place turns into a mess and customers find somewhere else to do their laundry.

But wait, there's more!

These businesses need serious upfront cash and ongoing investment. Building or buying an automated car wash can easily cost hundreds of thousands for the land, water recycling systems, and all that fancy equipment. Those machines don't last forever – they need replacing and upgrading, especially as customers expect to pay with cards and want eco-friendly options.

Then there's all the regulatory stuff. Wastewater runoff can get you in trouble with environmental agencies if you're not handling it properly. For laundromats, you've got health codes to follow, and if you want to stay competitive, you'll probably end up adding Wi-Fi, comfy seating, and longer hours – all of which means more staff or more of your time.

Vending Machines

The thread linked above suggests you can make $50-$300 per month per machine by just "stocking once a week." Sounds easy enough, right?

Well, the devil's in the details. You need to find good locations (not as easy as it sounds), negotiate contracts with property owners, keep track of what's selling and what's not, and deal with machines that jam, break, or get vandalized. It's essentially a logistics business disguised as passive income.

The real work starts before you even place your first machine. You've got to convince property owners to let you put vending machines in their buildings – and they often want a cut of the profits or monthly rent for prime spots. Once you've got locations, you're basically running a mini supply chain: planning efficient routes to restock machines, making sure nothing ever runs empty, fixing coin jams and software glitches.

Plus, these machines are targets for theft and vandalism. You'll need security measures and insurance. If you're selling food or drinks, there are health permits and regulations to follow. Want to scale up? Now you're managing inventory systems, analyzing sales data to figure out which snacks actually sell, and constantly swapping out underperforming products.

Self-Storage Facilities

Both threads love to mention that 92% success rate for self-storage and how you can supposedly run everything remotely. Sure, the numbers look good on paper, but let's talk about what "success" actually requires.

You're dealing with pest control (because nobody wants mice in their stored wedding dress), climate control systems that need regular maintenance, tenant drama, seasonal ups and downs, and local zoning battles. Marketing and competition matter too – you can't just build it and expect people to come.

Think of it less like real estate investing and more like property management – because that's exactly what it is. Between tenants, you're cleaning and repairing units. Climate control systems need servicing. When people don't pay rent, you've got to follow state lien laws to auction their stuff.

Occupancy goes up and down with the housing market and college schedules. To keep units full, you're investing in signs, online ads, and partnerships with moving companies. With so many new storage facilities popping up everywhere, you might need to add amenities like 24-hour access, digital locks, and security cameras to stay competitive.

Parking Lots and Garages

Automated gates that take payments make parking look pretty hands-off, but there's way more to it. You need security, maintenance, proper signage, liability insurance, and someone to set competitive pricing. Hire a management company to handle it all, and you'll watch your returns shrink while still needing to oversee everything.

Plus, parking is super location-dependent. Property taxes go up as neighborhoods develop. Demand changes with work-from-home trends, ride-sharing, and public transit. On the practical side, you're repaving asphalt, repainting lines, clearing snow, maintaining lighting, and making sure drainage works properly.

The liability risks are real too – people slip, fall, or damage their cars, so you need solid insurance and someone to handle claims. Local governments might require handicap-accessible spaces or electric vehicle charging stations, which costs money to install and maintain.

RV Parks and Campgrounds

The post I mentioned lists RV parks as low-maintenance real estate, but here's the reality check: RV parks are hospitality businesses. Industry experts are pretty blunt about this – they'll tell you straight up that "RV parks are not a passive investment."

Think of running an RV park like managing a mini resort. Your guests expect clean bathrooms and showers, reliable electricity and water, working Wi-Fi, and sometimes pools or playgrounds. Roads and parking pads need constant maintenance. You're on call for late check-ins, noise complaints, trash issues, and refunds when things go wrong.

The business is super seasonal too – you might be packed all summer but dead in the winter. You're constantly adjusting prices, marketing to travelers, and dealing with weather emergencies that might force evacuations or damage your property.

Pet Services

Pet boarding and grooming might seem appealing because people love their furry family members and come back regularly. But starting a pet business requires real skills – you need to understand animal behavior, know basic first aid, and be ready to handle emergencies.

You're not just watching dogs; you're responsible for beloved family members. That means understanding stress signals, preventing fights, keeping everything spotlessly clean, and having solid insurance for when accidents happen (and they will).

Plus, you need proper licensing, regular health inspections, and staff who actually know what they're doing. Finding and keeping good people in pet care is tough, and high turnover kills customer trust. You're also marketing constantly – building relationships with vets, managing social media, encouraging referrals.

Gutter and Chimney Cleaning

Ben Kelly, one of the most prominent "passive income" accounts, mentions gutter and chimney cleaning as scalable with low startup costs. While demand is pretty steady (gutters don't clean themselves), you're dealing with serious liability risks, seasonal fluctuations, and the need for actual technical skills.

The busy season is usually fall and before winter, while summer can be pretty slow. You need comprehensive insurance (workers' comp is non-negotiable when people are climbing on roofs), safety training that meets OSHA standards, and expensive equipment like ladders, vacuum systems, and safety gear.

Marketing isn't automatic either – you're constantly working to generate leads through local advertising, building relationships with roofers and real estate agents, and maintaining your online presence.

Pool Cleaning and Maintenance

Kelly calls pool cleaning a subscription-like cash cow, but the reality is pretty different. It's physically demanding work in all kinds of weather, and the business pretty much dies in winter unless you diversify into repairs or hot tubs.

You need to actually understand water chemistry – pH levels, alkalinity, proper disinfection. Mess this up and you could damage expensive equipment or make people sick. Many places require certification to operate legally.

Between the vehicle, equipment, and chemical inventory, you're looking at significant upfront costs. Chemical prices fluctuate, and you're dealing with liability risks like slip-and-fall accidents or chemical burns. Emergency calls for broken pumps or algae blooms can completely mess up your day.

HVAC and Plumbing Services

Sure, these businesses can have great margins and recurring service contracts, but they're skilled trades that require state licensing, extensive training, and serious ongoing education as technology and regulations change.

You're looking at major overhead: service vehicles, specialized tools, diagnostic equipment, and warehouses full of parts. Good technicians are getting harder and harder to find, which drives up labor costs. You need robust insurance, scheduling software, and someone to handle emergency calls at all hours.

Accounting and Bookkeeping Firms

I saw a thread about accounting firms having great recurring revenue and client retention. While that can be true, these are service businesses with real deadlines, constantly changing regulations, and demanding clients.

Tax laws change every year, requiring ongoing education and software updates. Every client is different, so there's no copy-and-paste solution. Mistakes can be expensive and legally problematic. With all the sensitive financial data involved, cybersecurity is a major concern and expense.

Why We Keep Falling for the "Passive" Dream

So why do these stories keep spreading? Simple – we all want to believe in effortless wealth. The idea of making money while we sleep hits us right in the dreams and aspirations. Social media makes it worse because people only share the highlight reel: the check in the mail, the beach photo, the vague claims about easy money.

What you don't see are the years of setup work, the daily emails, the 2 AM phone calls about broken equipment, or the many businesses that fail completely. It's classic survivorship bias – we only hear about the success stories.

There's also a grain of truth that keeps the myth alive. Some entrepreneurs do eventually build systems that let them step back a bit. But getting there takes months or years of very active work: hiring and training the right people, creating solid procedures, implementing good technology, and building a strong company culture.

Even then, you're still monitoring the financials, replacing managers who leave, and reinvesting to keep the business competitive. As entrepreneurship expert Walker Deibel puts it, you can't just put a business on autopilot and expect it to keep running smoothly.

The Bottom Line

Here's what I've learned from working with business buyers every day: every single one of these "passive" businesses requires active management in some form. Whether it's:

• Regular maintenance and operations – Someone's got to clean, restock, repair, and maintain everything
• Licensing and compliance – Many of these businesses need permits, certifications, and insurance to operate legally
• Marketing and customer service – You can't just build it and hope they come; you need to attract and keep customers happy
• Dealing with physical realities – Many of these businesses involve real physical work and seasonal fluctuations

My Advice? Be Smart About It

Look, I'm not trying to crush anyone's entrepreneurial dreams here. These can be solid businesses! But please, please be skeptical when someone tells you a business is "passive."

When you're looking at buying a business, ask yourself:

1. Who's actually going to run the day-to-day stuff? If the seller says "it runs itself," dig deeper into maintenance records and current staffing.
2. What licenses, permits, and insurance do I need? Ignorance here can cost you big time in fines and lawsuits.
3. How am I going to get and keep customers? Passive income disappears pretty quickly if you ignore marketing and customer service.
4. What's this really going to cost me ongoing? Equipment breaks, buildings need repairs, and everything needs upgrading eventually.

The most successful business buyers I work with aren't chasing easy money – they're the ones who go in with their eyes wide open, understanding that every business requires real work, and building solid systems to handle that work effectively.

Sure, it might not be as sexy as the "make money while you sleep" fantasy, but it's a lot more likely to actually work out in your favor. And honestly? Building something real that you understand and can improve is way more satisfying than crossing your fingers and hoping for magic.

Ready to Have a Real Conversation About Business Buying?

If you're serious about acquiring a business and want to work with people who'll give you the straight truth (not social media fantasies), we'd love to connect with you.

For pre-LOI buyers ready to explore opportunities: Schedule a meet & greet call​

Already have a deal under LOI and need financing help: Schedule an LOI consultation​

Got questions or just want to chat? Drop me a line directly at matthias@pioneercap.com​

Disclaimer: The information in this newsletter is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal or financial advice. Business buyers are encouraged to consult with their legal counsel and accountant to ensure the proper structuring of their transactions and to fully understand the tax implications of seller financing.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to reply directly to this email with any questions or thoughts.